Mom-Wisdom

There are many different types of wisdom in the world: God-wisdom explains the whys and wherefores of our existence on Earth, Man-wisdom explains the whys and wherefores of governments and economies, and Mom-wisdom explains the whys and wherefores of proper behavior, attitude, and respect. My earliest recollection of Mom-wisdom occurred around the age of four, along a busy stretch of a city road near the local grocers, with cars and trucks whizzing down the hill to beat the light at the bottom and cars and trucks whizzing up the hill to beat the light at the top. We had walked to Harris’s Grocery that morning hand in hand on a spring day. On the return trip, Mama was carrying two brown bags full of groceries, which meant she could not hold my hand to cross the busy street. As we stood near the curb and watched the traffic, she firmly and calmly said, “Debbie, we need to cross this street.  You hold tight to my skirt, or these cars will run over you, and you’ll be dead. Then we’ll have to dig a big hole and put you in it and put dirt on top of you.” I held tightly to Mama’s skirt as we crossed the road to the other side. All the while she bragged about how good I was doing. Mom-wisdom and a good dose of encouragement took me safely across the road and down the block to our house. Three generations of daughters have now repeated the same line to their children, and no child has ever let loose and run into the road or across the parking lot — because of Mom-wisdom.

            Mom-wisdom covers a lot of territory and fits the age and disposition of the child.  Well-known examples include: “Eat your vegetables so you can grow strong.” “Brush your teeth so they don’t rot out of your head.” “Don’t talk to strangers.” However, my mother surpassed the usual Mom-wisdom in content, honesty, and flair. When dressing for church or a special occasion, Mama would remind us of proper behavior by looking us over approvingly, smiling, and then adding, “Pretty is as pretty does.” With five boisterous children in tow, she did not have time to explain why we needed to obey a specific request. When questioned, she simply replied firmly, in a no-nonsense tone, “Because I said so.” Our response, as it should be, was a quick "Yes, ma'am." 

            As we grew older Mom-wisdom advanced beyond immediate safety or obedience. It was important for us to be ladies and gentlemen and to set a good example. Daddy smoked cigarettes and no one thought anything about it. Of course, we didn't understand the health risks back then. However, Mama, while not explicitly telling us not to smoke, established the standard that, “Women smoke — Ladies don’t.” 

As teenagers, dating revealed new streams of Mom-wisdom that caused us to pause, reflect, and then laugh. My first love was a young man named Walter. We met at church camp one summer. Mom-wisdom warned, “The boy will go as far as the girl will let him.” There was also Mom-wisdom that taught us not to call boys, but wait for them to call us. While I thought it ridiculous at the time, I now understand the maxim, “The boy chases the girl until the girl catches him.” The Mom-wisdom that caught us most off guard and resulted in snickers was addressed to no one in particular one summer day when my brother's live-in girlfriend was bemoaning the fact that my brother had not proposed marriage. Mama, simply muttered, “Don’t buy the cow if you get the milk for free.” After a split second to process this new saying, we all snickered, except my future sister-in-law who stared at us with a blank look. 

Mom-wisdom guided all five children through various stages of development and rebellion, and then let us loose and encouraged us to laugh, to love, and to live. Motherhood is something that a mother never outgrows, even when her children grow up to become well-rounded adults. Mama has always found the wisdom for what is needed at the moment, whatever our ages. 

            One of Mama's best pieces of advice, the top-shelf Mom-wisdom, arrived after several sleepless nights of comforting a teething baby. It came during an afternoon phone call on a busy day when my oldest daughter was finally peacefully napping. I was tired, frustrated, and venting about things I wanted to change. I lamented,” I’ll be happy when Amanda sleeps through the night. I’ll be happy when Andy has a better job. I’ll be happy when we get a bigger place. I’ll be happy when I lose weight." Mama listened patiently and then gently said, "Don’t put off being happy. Be happy today.” That bit of Mom-wisdom, lived out by example, refocused my priorities and enabled me to enjoy raising my own children without waiting for life to be perfect.

    Another treasured bit of Mom-wisdom was revealed when I was 35, had returned to college, was dealing with my own teenager daughter, and my husband was sick. Suddenly everything was my job and I was overwhelmed with the fear and responsibility. Mama was my sounding board, my rock, and my best friend. She would listen and without judgment or lectures, say, "Just do the next thing." I have hung on those words for decades. Mom-wisdom is powerful medicine.