Mom-Wisdom

There are many different types of wisdom in the world: God-wisdom explains the whys and wherefores of our existence on Earth, Man-wisdom explains the whys and wherefores of governments and economies, and Mom-wisdom explains the whys and wherefores of proper behavior, attitude, and respect. My earliest recollection of Mom-wisdom occurred around the age of four, along a busy stretch of a city road near the local grocers, with cars and trucks whizzing down the hill to beat the light at the bottom and cars and trucks whizzing up the hill to beat the light at the top. We had walked to Harris’s Grocery that morning hand in hand on a spring day. On the return trip, Mama was carrying two brown bags full of groceries, which meant she could not hold my hand to cross the busy street. As we stood near the curb and watched the traffic, she firmly and calmly said, “Debbie, we need to cross this street.  You hold tight to my skirt, or these cars will run over you, and you’ll be dead. Then we’ll have to dig a big hole and put you in it and put dirt on top of you.” I held tightly to Mama’s skirt as we crossed the road to the other side. All the while she bragged about how good I was doing. Mom-wisdom and a good dose of encouragement took me safely across the road and down the block to our house. Three generations of daughters have now repeated the same line to their children, and no child has ever let loose and run into the road or across the parking lot — because of Mom-wisdom.

            Mom-wisdom covers a lot of territory and fits the age and disposition of the child.  Well-known examples include: “Eat your vegetables so you can grow strong.” “Brush your teeth so they don’t rot out of your head.” “Don’t talk to strangers.” However, my mother surpassed the usual Mom-wisdom in content, honesty, and flair. When dressing for church or a special occasion, Mama would remind us of proper behavior by looking us over approvingly, smiling, and then adding, “Pretty is as pretty does.” With five boisterous children in tow, she did not have time to explain why we needed to obey a specific request. When questioned, she simply replied firmly, in a no-nonsense tone, “Because I said so.” Our response, as it should be, was a quick "Yes, ma'am." 

            As we grew older Mom-wisdom advanced beyond immediate safety or obedience. It was important for us to be ladies and gentlemen and to set a good example. Daddy smoked cigarettes and no one thought anything about it. Of course, we didn't understand the health risks back then. However, Mama, while not explicitly telling us not to smoke, established the standard that, “Women smoke — Ladies don’t.” 

As teenagers, dating revealed new streams of Mom-wisdom that caused us to pause, reflect, and then laugh. My first love was a young man named Walter. We met at church camp one summer. Mom-wisdom warned, “The boy will go as far as the girl will let him.” There was also Mom-wisdom that taught us not to call boys, but wait for them to call us. While I thought it ridiculous at the time, I now understand the maxim, “The boy chases the girl until the girl catches him.” The Mom-wisdom that caught us most off guard and resulted in snickers was addressed to no one in particular one summer day when my brother's live-in girlfriend was bemoaning the fact that my brother had not proposed marriage. Mama, simply muttered, “Don’t buy the cow if you get the milk for free.” After a split second to process this new saying, we all snickered, except my future sister-in-law who stared at us with a blank look. 

Mom-wisdom guided all five children through various stages of development and rebellion, and then let us loose and encouraged us to laugh, to love, and to live. Motherhood is something that a mother never outgrows, even when her children grow up to become well-rounded adults. Mama has always found the wisdom for what is needed at the moment, whatever our ages. 

            One of Mama's best pieces of advice, the top-shelf Mom-wisdom, arrived after several sleepless nights of comforting a teething baby. It came during an afternoon phone call on a busy day when my oldest daughter was finally peacefully napping. I was tired, frustrated, and venting about things I wanted to change. I lamented,” I’ll be happy when Amanda sleeps through the night. I’ll be happy when Andy has a better job. I’ll be happy when we get a bigger place. I’ll be happy when I lose weight." Mama listened patiently and then gently said, "Don’t put off being happy. Be happy today.” That bit of Mom-wisdom, lived out by example, refocused my priorities and enabled me to enjoy raising my own children without waiting for life to be perfect.

    Another treasured bit of Mom-wisdom was revealed when I was 35, had returned to college, was dealing with my own teenager daughter, and my husband was sick. Suddenly everything was my job and I was overwhelmed with the fear and responsibility. Mama was my sounding board, my rock, and my best friend. She would listen and without judgment or lectures, say, "Just do the next thing." I have hung on those words for decades. Mom-wisdom is powerful medicine. 

 

Camping Trip to Last a Lifetime

   

Whenever someone hears this story, they invariably think I am exaggerating.  After all, it is not unusual for families to sell their home in order to build a new house or to buy twenty acres of land in order to plant a substantial garden or to take their families on an extended camping trip in order to appreciate the simple life.  However, forty-five years ago, when the Buffington household decided to head for the hills of Hall County, build a home in the wilderness, and raise their own food, our lives were anything but business as usual.

            Daddy developed a plan that included selling the home I had grown up in, buying land, building a house with solar heating, growing our own food, and raising farm animals.  Mama lovingly explained to us that daddy had always been borderline eccentric.  My brothers, sisters, and I laughingly insisted that daddy had always been way over the edge.  Daddy prepared for this metamorphosis from city slicker to country bumpkin by reading publications like Independence on Three Acres of Land, the Farmer’s Almanac, Mother Earth News, and Organic Gardening.  He even had a daily schedule worked out ahead of time.  In the mornings, his plan was for us to work in the garden and finish chores, in the afternoons to mosey over to the lake for a swim, and in the evenings to gather around the home place for quality family time to the hum of Appalachian dulcimer music.  Throughout the entire enterprise, daddy would announce, “It’s not all going to be work!”  To this day, I don’t know if he was trying to convince himself or us.

            As always, my parents were a team.  Daddy had the dreams, but mama made them a reality.  It took over two years to sell the house that had been our home for twelve years.  After a multitude of contracts with real estate agencies, frequent cries of, “they’re going to show the house!” frenzied cleaning sessions of dubious quality, and parades of strangers roaming through our bedrooms, mama finally sold the house- to the Avon lady.  I did not realize then how difficult it was for mama to leave the home where each baby, except for Janet and me, was brought home from the hospital.  There had been a lot of loving, a lot of growing, and a lot of laughter in that house.  Mama’s heart overflowed with cherished memories and squeezed tears from her eyes, but she resolutely hitched her wagon to Daddy’s and they headed for northeast Georgia.

Cutting the driveway through the wilderness.

            The parcel of land was loosely divided into useable regions based on the terrain.  The upper three acres closest to the road were terraced into three sections for cultivating a garden.  Consequently, the rows of bean plants curved and stretched from one end of the garden to the other, like the ocean straining to meet the horizon.  The back five acres, closest to the creek, embraced the skeleton of a new home place, the hint of a future orchard, and the promise of civilization to seven uncertain pioneers.  Between the garden and the future homestead were woods, and nestled in a grove of hardwood trees was our new temporary home- the camper. 

Mama and Billy in the garden.

    Our family was experienced at camping, or so we thought.  The pop-up camper, which served as the main bedroom, had a metal base, two, full-size, pullout beds, and a canvas cover.  Zipped to the front of this was an extended room that served as a kitchen, sleeping area, and eating area when it rained.  A large, plastic dining fly-covered a picnic table for an impromptu dining room.  The living room was a circle of lawn chairs and campstools surrounding the campfire. 

Our new home.

            

In a manner of speaking, we had all the comforts of home.  Our bathroom facilities consisted of an outhouse lovingly referred to as the throne room, thirty paces southeast of the living room.  Daddy even used his ingenuity to create a shower.  The water source was the neighbor's well, connected to a spigot, attached to a pine tree about six feet off the ground.  The pine tree was connected to three other pine trees by a swatch of black plastic forming a rectangular enclosure. The make-shift shower surround was placed at a fairly strategic level to shield our innocence from prowling eyes. The theory was sound, but the location was questionable.  The shower was placed northwest of the camper, south of the garden, and directly adjacent to the road used by the workmen when traveling to and from the building site. However, the workmen’s trucks were big, tall, hardy affairs that easily allowed them to see down from their lofty heights into our lowly shower.  We consistently endured the icy well water and took our showers after dark, when the workmen had gone home for the day.

Daddy, right, with his farmer hat.
Charles, left, allowed us to connect to his well.

Daddy, being daddy, managed to get a hot shower every afternoon.  The hose, stretching from our new shower to the neighbor’s well, meandered along the driveway, across our property, and over their lawn in the sunshine.  True to the physics of solar energy, the sun heated the water in the hose enough for daddy to get a hot shower every afternoon before going to work.  Some days, as the summer temperatures rose, he was blessed with a hotter shower than he had anticipated.  Daddy continued to work for IBM and every day he left for work clean-shaven, sweet-smelling, wearing a neatly pressed suit, white shirt, and polished shoes.  I often wondered if his colleagues knew how he was really living.

            Mama must be descended from rugged stock.  She always could get more accomplished in less time than other mere mortals.  Facing the challenge ahead of her, she braced herself, put on her best, comforting smile, took control of her offspring, and proceeded to make a home in the woods.  Ordinarily, voluminous jobs, like doing the laundry for seven people, including five rambunctious children, became one of her biggest obstacles.  Every other day or so, we piled into the car, along with the clothes, and went to the Laundromat to wash.  As the clothes sloshed and spun in the electric washing machines, we eyed the traffic of people and cars going about their daily, colorless routine.

            Miraculously, mama also managed to prepare the traditional, southern meals we had always eaten, like fried chicken, breaded pork chops, and country-fried steak and gravy with all the extras, using only our makeshift kitchen.  We even had real iced tea, home-cooked blackberry syrup, and homemade jams and jellies.  She planted a huge garden, and as the crops began to come in, she canned food for the winter over a Coleman stove.  From beginning to end, I did not hear her complain, but I did hear her laugh.  She taught us, by example, to make the best of things, look to the future and keep working.

            For my siblings and me, this was the beginning of a grand adventure, an extended vacation, and wonderful home.  Looking back, we joke that we were homeless before it was popular, but at that time, we didn’t realize we were homeless in the traditional sense.  We knew where home was really located.  Our house was the camper, sheltered in the shade trees, but our home was wherever mama and daddy were together.

  

Mini-HaHa Dinners

Mama is sort of like Mary Poppins, without the umbrella and carpetbag.  She always has a way of turning the most mundane, everyday situations into fun, by changing the name.  What you name something matters, especially to a child.  The right name sets the tone and can turn something yucky into something tasty or something worrisome into something fun.

Mama prepared three meals a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  Multiply that by 7 family members, 4 cousins, and various friends and neighbors over a period of years and years and you can begin to gauge the mammoth task she faced.  Eating out was not an option. To us, eating out meant that we were camping and Mama still cooked dinner. The task required a strong will, determination, a large dose of creativity.

She always woke up before the rest of the family to brew a pot of coffee and hopefully drink one cup before the day started.  Then, she tackled breakfast.  On cool mornings she might make a big pot of oatmeal or cream of wheat, a cinnamon coffee cake, or buttermilk biscuits.  On a warm summer morning, we might have cereal and milk or cinnamon toast.  Sometimes she made blueberry muffins, french toast, pancakes, or waffles.  We ate normal breakfasts like everyone else.  That changed early one morning when my cousin Byron thought Mama was making pancakes for breakfast.  In a small, sleepy voice he pleaded, "Aunt Nancy, I don't like pancakes."  Hesitation and uncertainty cause many schemes to fail, but Mama never hesitated.  She looked him in the eyes and cheerfully replied, "We are not having pancakes, we are having Bugieboos."   That was good, because Byron liked Bugieboos, or was too confused to put up a fuss.  To make Bugieboos you start with pancake batter. Next, you heat up the pan and add a little bit of oil for frying.  I know it sounds a lot like pancakes, but the difference is in the technique.  Instead of making little round circles of pancakes, you drizzle the batter in ever-changing directions to make crazy designs in the pan.  It is like modern art only with pancake batter and an iron skillet.  Top the Bugieboo with butter and syrup and magically, breakfast for Byron. If you have ever watched clouds overhead on a summer day and said, "That one looks like Mickey Mouse or that one looks like a dog."  then you can imagine our conversation at the breakfast table while eating Bugieboos.  From that day forward, pancakes ceased to exist and Bugieboos ruled the world.

The problem with lunch is that it seems to arrive just as you finish the breakfast dishes.  Mama had a lot of good ideas for lunch.  On cool days we might have Campbell's Tomato Soup with a grilled cheese sandwich or cheese toast.  One of my favorites was Franco American Spaghettios with wieners sliced up in it.  In the summertime, we would have a sandwich and potato chips. Sometimes we had bologna, or pineapple and mayonnaise, or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Other times she made chicken salad, ham salad, roast beef salad, or egg salad, depending on the available leftovers. One afternoon Mama made a big bowl of egg salad for sandwiches.  My little brother, Wade, stated his preference.  "I don't like egg salad sandwiches."  It just so happened that Mama needed to use up the rest of the hot dog buns.  So, in her usual, confident manner she, answered, "We're not having egg salad sandwiches, we're having Polish Egg Rolls."  To make Polish Egg Rolls, you put mayonnaise on a hot dog bun and fill it with egg salad.  Wade said that he loved Polish Egg rolls.  So, a new household specialty was born. Egg salad sandwiches were banished in favor of Polish Egg Rolls.

With so many mouths to feed sometimes, food ran low, just before Daddy got paid.  We didn't realize why, but suddenly the refrigerator had more room and the cabinets were not crowded with cans or boxes.  That's when Mama displayed her best tricks in the kitchen.  She would wash up the supper dishes and come into the living room to relax with the family, with a little smile on her face.  A short time later, we would smell something wonderful coming from the kitchen.  With a clever blend of thriftiness and imagination, mama turned the leftover rice, the rest of the milk, one egg, and the last of raisins into rice pudding with sprinkles of nutmeg on top.  The final cup of flour, the remaining sugar, the rest of the milk, and a can of peaches became a peach cobbler.  She would make banana bread, pumpkin bread, cinnamon rolls, or Wacky Chocolate Cake using whatever odds and ends of food were still in the house.

Every artist has a masterpiece that exemplifies and commemorates their best work and Mama has hers. We didn't realize it at the time, but on this particular summer day, groceries were running low. As soon as Daddy's check came in the mail, Mama was ready for us to take the check to the bank and then buy groceries at the local A&P.   Lunchtime came before the mailman arrived and Mama had to come up with a plan to feed five hungry children in a hurry.  As a result, the Mini-Haha Lunch was born. Simply put, a Mini-Haha Lunch consists of whatever you have in the house that is quick and easily available: saltines, peanut butter, jam, canned fruit, or baby food. The baby's food was ordinarily reserved for the baby, except for the occasional Mini-Haha lunch. Back in those days, Gerber put sugar in the baby food, so it was very tasty.  My favorites were the baby apricots, the vanilla pudding, and the teething biscuits.   Mini-Haha lunches, or dinners, became a family favorite and the tradition has continued with my own children.  Last week, AJ was surprised to learn that the rest of the world did not know about Mini-Haha meals.  Now they know.

Trouble

     Some people are born with a knack for avoiding trouble and some people are born with a knack for getting into trouble.  Unfortunately, I fall into the latter category.  When you are a kid there are two types of trouble.  The first is when you choose to take a calculated risk that you might be clever enough to get away with something or that the punishment, if you are caught, will be such that the crime was worth it.  The second type of trouble is when you never saw it coming and then BOOM! Life as you know it seems over and you have to pay penance or lay low for awhile.
     The first type of trouble is possible to avoid, depending on your temperament, or impossible to accomplish, depending on your parents.  Out of the five children in the Buffington Clan, I was not the one with the temperament to avoid trouble.  Fortunately, my parents, especially Mama, could read my mind, so I rarely thought it was possible to get away with something and the punishment was substantial enough to thwart a great majority of my mischief.    The problem was that my mind was, and is, always planning and scheming to build something, try something, or say something, all of which leads to unforeseen trouble.  One of my favorite activities was to confiscate leftover boards, bricks, and miscellaneous items to use for building forts, swings, tight ropes, and obstacle courses.  Mama categorized all of my building accomplishments as "contraptions."  The safety record for my contraptions only involved two accidents, both of which could have been avoided if the injured party had listened.  I warned them not to climb on it yet because it wasn't ready: I hadn't tested it yet.  As the oldest, I was concerned for the safety of family and friends, therefore all of my contraptions went through a rigorous testing procedure in which I climbed on top and jumped as hard as possible to see if it collapsed.  If it didn't collapse, I declared it safe. The earliest incident involved my friend Doug. I was one year older than Doug and I hadn't started kindergarten yet, so it is easy to see that my propensity for trouble began early.  It was a simple contraption leaning against the pole of the swing set.  He fell climbing on it and busted his lip; blood went everywhere.  Mama was babysitting that morning and did not appreciate my explanation of why it was not my fault.  The second safety incident involved my sister, Janet.  After my warning, she looked me straight in the eye and climbed on the newest contraption.  She fell, knocked out both front teeth, and had to wait about three years for her permanent teeth to come in.  That definitively ended my access to raw materials and decreased my enthusiasm for building.
     As I said earlier, I always wanted to try something different, like humming with my fingers in my ears, making the thickest sandwich possible, while mama was on the phone or chiseling the shape of a rifle in a piece of pine, (not good, pine splits).  Sometimes my curiosity and scientific inquiry called for testing a hypothesis. One evening I was cleaning the kitchen after dinner.  Unloading the dishwasher sounded like a straightforward task until I noticed that a serrated knife looked sort of like a drill bit.  Then, I started wondering if maybe this type of "drill" could make a hole in a piece of wood if it was held perpendicular to the wood and had a little pressure behind it.  The knives and a wooden drawer front were conveniently at hand.  In my mind I kept thinking this won't really work, so why not try it?  So, I carefully held the serrated knife at a right angle to the drawer front, leaned into it slightly, and rotated the knife clockwise.  Oops!  The result of my experiment was the neatest, cone-shaped hole in the drawer.  Of course, at that point, there was nothing to do but finish the kitchen, go to bed, and pretend I knew nothing about it.  I was so relieved to hear mama and daddy talking and discover there was such a creature as a carpenter beetle.  That poor insect took the blame for 40 years.
     As a child, I had a perfect talent for saying the wrong thing, at the wrong time, or to the wrong people.  Getting in trouble for saying the wrong thing is not limited to children:  albeit, children do have a way of getting the most mileage out of misspoken words.  Daddy and I were in the backyard on a clear, fall day, assembling a new swing set.  I thought I was helping, but mostly I was hanging out and talking to Daddy.  I decided to ask a simple question that had puzzled me for a while.  I had observed that Daddy and Mama's mother were polite, but not friendly.  So, I asked, "Daddy, do you like Grandmama?" Daddy gave a witty, funny response that made me laugh, and then we went on working.
     I loved going to spend the night with Grandmama and Grandpa.  Grandmama made the best homemade pancakes the size of dinner plates and Grandpa took me fishing.  Grandmama and I would go shopping and come home with chocolate eclairs or a box of white-powered doughnuts.  Even so, the best part of the visit was just getting to talk.  Grandmama and I would chat about everything and she would tell me stories about when Mama was a little girl.  Mama and Daddy always warned me not to tell family business.  That was easy to do because I didn't know anything about money.  On this particular visit, we sat in the kitchen eating lunch and Grandmama asked one simple question, similar to the one I asked Daddy: "Your Daddy doesn't like your Grandma very much, does he?"   Suddenly, I remembered Daddy's witty reply and quickly answered with a chuckle, "He says that you're alright in your place, but they haven't dug it yet."  It is now clear to me that the reason Mama and Daddy can read my mind is that I inherited my predisposition for trouble.
   

Suppertime

     Years ago, as a young mother, I began to realize how much I was like my parents.  I sounded just like mama on the day our oldest daughter, then a toddler, turned her back to me and purposefully began to walk across the library to investigate.  I began my correction with a firm, "I'll give you once...."  I literally turned around to see if mama was standing behind me.  I follow the news, grumble about politics and worry over the future of our country, just like daddy.  However, it took me becoming a grandmother to begin to see how much I take after my grandmothers.  It is a comfortable feeling overall, but a bit disconcerting at times.
     The grandchildren called mama's mother, Grandmama.  It was known to all that Grandmama ran a tight ship.  Her motto was, "A place for everything and everything in its place."  That was a difficult concept to handle when I woke up early one dark morning to go to the bathroom and returned to find the bed made with several fancy, lacy pillows arranged neatly at the head of the bed.  Obviously, it was time to get up.  I wondered sleepily into the living room and saw her busily preparing breakfast. There was nothing to do, but perch on the edge of the couch, barely touching the overstuffed, colorful, sofa pillows that were  arranged symmetrically at both ends, and await further instructions.
     The grandchildren called daddy's mother, Grandmommy.  The name Gramdmama was taken and she didn't want to be called Granny.  Later in life she told me that if she had known she was going to live so long, she would have chosen something else.  Both grandmothers woke up in the early hours of the morning to prepare a fine breakfast for their husbands, but the similarity ended there.  Once again, I awoke early one morning, while it was still dark, in time to give Granddaddy a hug and kiss good-bye before he went to work.  Grandmommy and I were still in pajamas, so after a fond farewell, we did the most sensible thing possible: checked that the stove was off, piled the dishes in the sink, and went back to bed until a decent hour.
     In my mind, I want to be like Grandmama when it comes to fixing a nice dinner, setting the table and saying the prayer before dinner.  It never mattered if company was coming or not, the table was beautiful: each place setting laid out with care, folded napkins, glittering silverware, sparking ice-tea glasses, lacy tablecloth, and decorative serving dishes laden with good home-made food.  She fixed a juicy, tender pot roast with potatoes and carrots, made creamy scalloped potatoes, and served up Spam breaded in cracker crumbs and fried in butter. She even promised desert, after you cleaned your plate, by including a small desert dish to the left of the plate.  Desert could be pudding with a few vanilla wafers, a slice of toasted pound cake, or a dish of ice-cream.  Meals were delicious, on time and attendance was required.
     In reality, I am more like daddy's mother, when it comes to meals.  She owned many cookbooks, some of which have been passed on to me.  She particularly seemed to like the cookbooks with ideas for what to have for dinner.  Along with her recipes, she has copious lists of menus, groceries, and ideas paper-clipped to various pages.  Thankfully, the window wash solution made with kerosene is clearly marked POISON.  Even with all the suggestions, dinner time at Grandmommy's didn't go as smoothly.  Dinner time was whenever time dinner got ready, and that could change depending on whether she had to go to the store first or not.  Everyone sat to the table for the blessing, and  almost everyone sat to the table to eat.  As soon as Granddaddy said the blessing, "Lord, for this food, make us truly thankful,"  Grandmommy would pop up from her seat to retrieve or check on something she left in the kitchen.  Even with all the chaos, Grandmommy made the best grits for breakfast, the tastiest potato salad, and the most colorful congeal salads.
     My intentions are good, I know how to cook, and I own hundreds, (yes hundreds) of cookbooks, but the execution of my best-laid plans are sketchy.  The table becomes the temporary landing place for the mail, library books, ironing, tools, school books, and laptops.  By the time dinner is ready, we sit in our recliners in front of the television and discuss the day's events during commercial breaks or whenever the Internet streaming gets bogged down and has to catch up.  In addition, on Monday and Tuesday, IHOP has buy one-get-on deals for senior citizens, age 55 and up, so we tend to eat out regularly.  I think that is the closest we have been to a sit-down meal in the last month.  (The new school year began, but that will be another blog entry.)  It is sad to see dinner time fading away like land-line phones, board games, and snail mail.
     Once again, I am setting a goal of having a healthy dinner ready, at a suitable time.  I would love for us to sit down at the table to eat.  I even have the table cloth on the table and a colorful fall flower arrangement for a centerpiece.  So, here I sit with a stack of cookbooks, a collection of favorite recipes, and a notepad to make a grocery list.  In true Doodlebug fashion, I am not giving up my dream of having a nice, sit-down dinner, as a family, with time out to say a decent thank-you for our blessings. So, this week I vow to do better: clean out the refrigerator, make a meal plan, clean off the dining room table, and enlist the family's help.  We'll see how it goes.

Grandmama's Fried Spam

1 can of Spam, sliced about 1/4" thick

   2 eggs, beaten with a fork

saltine cracker crumbs

butter

Melt the butter in the pan.

Dip a slice of Spam into the egg

and then into the cracker crumbs.

Fry in the melted butter, until

golden brown on both sides.

Wizards of Aviation

     As I was growing up, mama always said that I was a daddy’s girl.  Daddy’s girls, by definition, believe their fathers are supremely handsome, all-knowing, and absolutely perfect.  What she may not have realized was that second only to daddy, was his kid brother Bobby.  Like daddy, Uncle Bobby has always been extremely handsome, sagacious, and beyond compare.  Uncle Bobby is a strategically placed guidepost between daddy and me, close enough in age to daddy, to be his sidekick, and close enough in age, to me to be a mentor.

Daddy is back center. Uncle Bobby is front center.

            Daddy and Bobby have a treasure-trove of adventures predating my arrival, but through the years I have gathered my own nest-egg of tales.  One summer morning, mama asked them to babysit while she went to the grocery store, and they agreed.  She cleaned out the refrigerator, made a grocery list, and hesitantly left me in their care.  Daddy and Bobby, like their predecessors Orville and Wilbur Wright, decided to spend their day experimenting with the science of aviation.  They began by making paper airplanes.  Of course, these were not typical paper airplanes.  These were tiny- smaller than the end of your finger- and they had an imaginative energy source, which allowed them to zoom freely around the kitchen in varying arrays.  Daddy and Bobby loitered around garbage cans, ambushed their prey, and placed it quickly in the spotless refrigerator to slow its movement.  Next, they carefully prepared the folded paper airplane, quickly removed a prisoner from its frosty cell, and meticulously glued its legs to the tip of the aircraft with quick-drying model airplane cement.  While the glue dried, the houseflies slowly warmed up to room temperature and then soared into the air hauling the miniature airship.  Bobby remembers, “We weren’t able to perfect the landings.”  Laughingly, he claims, “When a crash was imminent, the ant fire department quickly sprayed the runway with foam.” I would love to have heard their sheepish explanations to mama when she returned from shopping and found her immaculate refrigerator filled with houseflies.

            During the summer of 1968, Uncle Bobby, at age twenty-one, carried his aviation experience a step further by becoming a Cobra pilot, for the First Cavalry in Vietnam.  A young man named Bobby Towe was the pilot, Uncle Bobby was the copilot, and the mission was to fly the Ho Chi Min Trail, a route which supplied the enemy, the Viet Cong, with ammunition, troops, and medical supplies.  Their plan was to take off at 7:00 p.m., about one and a half hours before dark, but the preflight check revealed gun system failure.  After replacing the gun system and preparing to take off, only a sliver of red sun remained in the sky, crowning the treetops.  Their aircraft, the Bounty Hunter was forty minutes behind the others.

            Within a horseshoe-shaped range of mountains, referred to by the Vietnamese as “The Seven Sisters,” was the holy mountain of Nui Coto.  The Vietnamese people believed the gods of South Vietnam lived in a pagoda atop this mountain, and whoever controlled the mountain would win the war.  As a result, the fighting was heavy in this region.  Because it was impossible to fly over these mountains, the Bounty Hunter had to maneuver around the mountains, into bordering Cambodia, and back into South Vietnam.

           Suddenly, while the Bounty Hunter sailed at 2,000 feet, the “gods” from the pagoda on Nui Coto attacked, shooting balls of fire, which pierced an oil line, created a hole the size of a silver dollar, caused heated oil to gush onto the burning jet engine and plummeted the aircraft to the jungle below, without the slightest chance to return fire. 

            Radio signals travel in a straight line- a line–of–sight that does not curve with the horizon or arch over mountaintops- and so, maintaining radio contact in such mountainous terrain is difficult.  Consequently, as the helicopter dropped below the mountains, their communication was isolated from the outside world.  The flames from behind the cockpit raged and cast an eerie red glow onto the windshield, making it difficult for the pilot to see the terrain ahead. 

            With one minute before impact, flying at 200 miles per hour, it was vital to radio their location and status, keep control of the aircraft during the landing, and fight the engulfing flames.  The scream of the engine and the roar of the blaze deafened their ears.  Bobby recalled, “Mayday!” “Mayday!” Radio location; check for fire; lock seatbelts; push collective down.” At 150 feet: Turn on the landing lights, try to stretch out the glide, don’t hit the treetops!”  At 100 feet: “Flare, nose up, turn forward speed to rotor, increase pitch, try to gain control.”   At 15 feet: “Nose-down- still traveling at 37 miles per hour- keep the nose up, touch down!”  The aircraft crash-landed in a rice paddy turned 180 degrees, and slid twenty to thirty feet, slinging mud and trash over the cockpit.

            The heat from the fire was so intense, both pilot and copilot believed the other was being burned alive.  Bobby Towe exited from the left of the craft, just as Uncle Bobby exited from the right, and both men ran around the front of the helicopter, hoping to save the other from the flames.  In the darkness and confusion, they collided head-on, knocking each other flat to the ground.  After catching their breath and getting to their feet, they fled towards the jungle, to a creek about 55 yards away, still insight of the aircraft, to hide from the enemy.  To conceal themselves they rolled in the muck and spread mud over their faces and hair.  Between them, they had two, 38 pistols, with six shots each, a radio to call for help, and a quart thermos of cognac mixed with hot tea. 

            They attempted to radio for help, hoping to be picked up soon, but found their pack radio was broken.  Reluctantly, they hid in the jungle, five or six hours, waiting for sunrise to inspect the remains of the Bounty Hunter.  The Cobra’s cockpit was in good shape, the radio was still working, but the batteries were almost dead.  They transmitted their location, confiscated the “green book”- pilot’s logbook filled with critical information- and returned to the jungle to hide.

            They hid all day, sweltering in the heat, slapping at mosquitoes, and swatting at flies.  The creekbed was inhabited by leeches, a parasite that sensed the reflected heat from their bodies, attached itself, and sucked their blood.  To force the leeches to turn to lose they had to burn the leeches’ heads with the tip of their cigarettes.

            Late in the afternoon, in the middle of a Cambodian jungle, lying in the slime of a rice paddy, two civilized gentlemen- Bobby Towe and Bobby Buffington- observed the old English custom of an afternoon tea by drinking the brew of cognac and hot tea, making elaborate plans to get home, and writing absurd remarks in the green book, concerning the last flight of the Bounty Hunter. 

            The sun went down, night fell, and once again they waited for help to arrive.  They heard bombs in the distance and wondered if they would be safe.  Around 3:00 a.m., even though the power level on the radio claimed there was no power left, they attempted to call for help.  “Mayday!” "Mayday!”  Bobby’s signal had managed to clear the mountain top and was intercepted by an air force pilot flying at 30,000 feet, 600 miles north of their location.  If Bobby had radioed five minutes earlier, or five minutes later, the air force jet would not have been in a position to hear the signal.  The pilot, in turn, radioed the Bounty Hunter’s position to a “Spooky”- a C47 airplane, like in the old World War II movies.  The two-engine, propeller plane was gutted inside and manned with six mini-guns on each side, which fired 8,000 bullets per minute.  The two survivors were told to listen for the airplane, which would be flying “on the deck”- fifty feet off the ground- and without lights, to avoid being shot down.  When they heard the engines they were instructed to pop a flare.  Then the plane would turn on the landing lights, fly over, and climb to 1,000 feet in order to confirm their position.  The First Cavalry would quickly send a helicopter to pick them up.  The Army of the South Vietnamese burned the aircraft to avoid vital information and radio systems from being captured.  Bobby Towe and Bobby Buffington were rescued the following morning.

            Uncle Bobby finished his tour of duty in Vietnam and returned home safely.  In 1968, the same year he was shot down, one-fourth of all the pilots in his class were killed.  Bobby reflects now, “The war was wrong, but we weren’t wrong.  No one wanted to go, but they either went and supported their country, or they deserted their country.”  As a nine-year-old when he left, I did not understand the war or why he was leaving, but, from his example, I learned the importance of duty, patriotism, and family.

  

          Today, I find myself in a sixth-grade classroom saying the Pledge of Allegiance each morning.  As I look at the flag and reflect on those words, I find myself thinking about the men and women who have given so much to secure and protect our freedom.   Thank you is not enough, but it is all I have.  So, I will remember, and vow to do my best to pass on this legacy to my children, grandchildren, and students.

PS- Daddy says that the flies were in a glass jar, but I don't remember that part of the story. 

When Daddy Had Hair and Mama Made Biscuits

   The daughter in me started this blog a year ago, in a attempt to capture family stories, favorite recipes, and pictures, but the perfectionist in me prevented any progress being made.  I have started numerous blog entries, but shied away from publishing until today.  I finally decided to jump right in and share with you. I've had the title of this blog for about 15 years, and the stories, recipes, and images were carefully saved in a computer file that migrated as each computer became outdated.  With today's technology, it only seemed fitting to become a blog.
     One day, driving to work, I was trying to think of one phrase that summed up the differences between my parents as I was growing up and my parents today.  Hence the title.  Daddy had a thick head of blonde hair with a wave in the front that curled when he slept.  I clearly remember going in to wake him early one morning. Daddy's nightly routine included carrying a glass of sweet iced-tea into the bedroom, to sip while he read a for a few minutes before going to sleep.  In the morning, the remains of the melted ice and tea would be in a glass, on the nightstand, beside the bed.  On this particular morning, his comb was also on the nightstand.  Daddy has always been a sound sleeper and it was understood that waking him up might take several tries.  As a four year old, I tried, "Daddy, Mama said breakfast is ready."  No movement.  "Daddy, Mama said its time to wake up."  No results.  He looked so peaceful, with the blonde curl on his forehead.  At that moment I thought, Daddy's hair needs to be combed.  He always wet the comb and combed his hair to the side.  So, I did the most logical thing: I dipped the comb into the glass of tea and began to comb his hair.  As the tea dripped from the comb and ran down his face, he woke up quickly, yelling and mumbling incoherent words.  Mama walked in just in time to see the action and stood in the doorway laughing so hard she was crying.  I don't remember being asked to wake daddy up again and I don't remember the comb on the nightstand ever again.  I wonder why?  Today Daddy's hair has changed from waves to beach.
     Mama always made BIG pans of homemade biscuits.  With a large family to feed, a husband, 5 kids, and sometimes cousins, the biggest cookie sheet was barely large enough.  She didn't need a recipe and she used the biggest mixing bowl possible- a large, metal bowl like restaurants use.  The resulting biscuits were golden brown, crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, and oozing with melted butter and homemade jam or apple butter. ( I get hungry thinking about them).  As time progressed and the kids left home mama didn't need to make biscuits for an army, so she made "Whomp Biscuits."  Whomp biscuits are commonly sold in the dairy section of the supermarket, and after peeling away the paper, you whomp the can firmly on the counter, to pop open the can and get to the biscuits.  The biscuits were still hot from the oven and filled with butter and homemade jam.  Today, all the kids are at, or near, middle age and we usually avoid biscuits in favor of light, whole-grained toast with sugar-free preserves, but we all have fond memories of a fall day, a cozy kitchen, a full table, and a pan of hot, buttered biscuits.
     So, this blog will be a mixture of family stories, recipes, and pictures, old and new.  It will also chronicle my attempts to pass on the love, traditions, and family spirit that holds us close through good times and hard times.
     Mama told me that White Lily Flour is her favorite flour, and so here is the recipe for White Lily Buttermilk Biscuits, clipped from the back of the bag.  I saved this recipe years ago because, unlike Mama, I needed a recipe and these were the closest I could get to Mama's biscuits.    Make sure to knead them very gently and place them fairly close together in the pan.  Serve with butter and the best preserves- homemade if possible.